Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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