your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
