If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
