i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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