I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
They are going to name an STD after you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
