i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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