so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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