I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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