Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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