Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
