Someone shit on the floor
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
