Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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