You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
