I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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