OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
