you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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