Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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