I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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