So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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