You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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