Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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