I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
