so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
