I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
