I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
