I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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