You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
