i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
