I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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