I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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