Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
