How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
