they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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