he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
