and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
