you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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