Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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