take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
