don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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