She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
