I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the condom got lost in my hair
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All the doctor said was why
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
