yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
