He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
