have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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