Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
