One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
