I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
