wakey wakey hands off snakey
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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