I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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