Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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