well you can't waste a boner
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
