i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
