I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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