Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
