Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
