I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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