Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize