This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Randomize
