I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
