Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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