Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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