This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
