It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
