Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
