Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
