go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think my fart just growled at me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have post one night stand depression
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
