I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
