he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize