That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
