dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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