i don't like sucking hair
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
