im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
