Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
