CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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