You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
