listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
