angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
