If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
