ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
