I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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