they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
