for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
