she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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