Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
