I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I intend to get homeless drunk
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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