I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
